Which goat is the G.O.A.T. goat?

We live in strange times, during which I fully defend the right for us all to embrace the ridiculous. So, with no further ado, I present to you a ‘Top 5’ list which answers the question literally no-one is asking: Which goat is the G.O.A.T. goat?

SO excited!

5. Excited goat faints on a swing

Kicking us off in style, I give you the excited goat which faints on a swing, an entry which is exactly as it says on the tin. Excited goat jumps on swing. Excited goat faints on swing. Welcome to the world of goats, where even the seemingly most mundane of occurrences can induce unconsciousness.

Black Phillip does not mess about.

4. Black Phillip

Admittedly, this is a bit of a curve-ball when compared with the other bovids in this list. But for sheer weirdness and ability to downright terrify, Black Phillip (of The Witch fame) is surely unsurpassed. It’s the voice, the eyes, the walking on hind legs… it’s being the devil himself. And from the sounds of it, he stayed in characterthroughout the shoot. He also has his own Twitter account. What a goat.

Sibling rivalry, anyone?

3. Buttermilk

Is there any greater joy in this world than Buttermilk in full flow? Watch as she cavorts around, leaping and springing off anything in her vicinity, whether that be a human leg or unsuspecting sibling. She even has time for what looks like a quick wee before setting off again on her jaunty adventures. Like an overexcited, sugar-rushed child coming off the back of three birthday parties in the same day, Buttermilk embodies the frenzy and lack of direction of youth like no other.

Scream like you meme it.

2. Screaming goat

Undoubtedly the most meme-able goat on this list, and screaming into second place comes the, er, Screaming goat. For those few of you who have yet to experience this delightful slice of internet gold dust, I implore you to put this at the top of your ‘Watch Later’ list. In just six seconds it arguably does more to exhibit the boundless stupidity and variation present in nature than any number of Attenborough documentaries.

“What is that? Is that a deer?”

1. Ladder Goat

The supreme, ultimate G.O.A.T. goat, Ladder Goat takes top spot. While its true-life counterparts are known for their ability to scale sheer rock faces and some of the craggiest terrain on earth, Ladder Goat succeeds in the ultimate one-upmanship stakes by scaling a vertical ladder without the need to so much as make contact with any of the rungs. Ladder Goat’s nonchalant demolishing of the rules of physics is a thing of majesty. Hilarity ensues. As the embodiment of the sentiment ‘Laugh, and the world laughs with you’, I defy anyone with a shred of humour in them to watch this video without at the very least cracking a smile.

I write about what I’m interested in: the charity sector, CSR, wellbeing, tech, productivity, life, culture and media. www.twofirst.co.uk

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